There are many things I have been taught through my youth and things I have further learned as an adult that govern my life and my character. I will not claim to be perfect at any of these (indeed, there are some at which I all but completely fail) but I do try my best and through continued effort, I seek to come that much closer to perfection in that principle being applied.
I began formally putting this list together in late 2005 and will probably never consider it complete. It was started after looking at similar things that Ben Franklin had put down to paper, for example, as well as others and thought that such a document might be useful not only for me to document those things which had been taught to me but also for those around me as well as my posterity. As with Franklin, this is not my own wisdom but rather has been learned and relearned through every age. Truth is truth and wisdom is wisdom and remains so throughout the eternities.
The purpose of this list is not merely self-improvement. Rather, it is about getting the most out of life. There is much of the world about us that is great and wondrous; much that is beautiful and delicate. Yet many of us are completely oblivious to these elements because we are too busy with the concerns of the day to notice them. This list is about centering one's being and ordering one's mind. When one has achieved a balanced existance, that person will better be able to appreciate the world they live in and the people that surround them.
These points are presented in no particular order. No point should be considered more important than another. It is their collective application which brings the greatest benefit. They should not simply be learned once and then set aside. Careful study should be made of each item and the collection as a whole. Such study should include a periodic review of these points and an assessment of which items have been successfully applied and which areas still need improvement. One method of implementing these might be to pick a point which has particular interest to you or which you think you need particular improvement on. Over the course of a week or a month, focus on that point exclusively. Work on becoming perfect in its application and make a periodic assessment of your progress. When you are satisfied that you are making good progress, try adding one of the other points to your exercise. Over time (possibly the course of decades), propper application of these points will yield a signficant and imminently satisfying change in one's character and manner of being.
Money doesn't matter. The only real treasure in this world is knowledge. From knowledge, all other things come. It doesn't matter how much or how little you have. What matters is whether you are working to learn more. Seeking understanding about the world around you also teaches you a respect and reverence for the things of this earth and an appreciation for the advances in science and technology as well as a healthy respect for those who went through this world without the benefit of such things. In the words of Henry Ford, "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young." Why? Because of the stimulation of new understanding and the excitement of new ability; for what is learning if not the ability to do that which you could not do before because you knew not how?
The world would be a much more pleasant place if each and every one of us would try to take five minutes out of every day to do something nice for someone else, especially those we do not know or do not know well, with particular attention paid to those who we know harbor ill feelings towards us. Remember that a person may most need your friendship when they seemingly deserve it least. You cannot help but desire to give service to those you love. You cannot help but grow to love those to whom you willingly and eagerly offer service. (Note that a kind word or assistance carrying groceries does not require any monetary sacrafice.) The most important thing for any man, woman, or child in this world is to feel that they are genuinely loved and that they are needed. For many who suffer from depression, is that not frequently at the very heart of their distress?
It's a sad fact that everywhere you go in this world, there's trash.
We live in a big, beautiful world with enough sights and sounds to amaze one who looks and listens with open eyes and ears for several lifetimes. It's sad that so many of these get spoiled. Everywhere I've gone, I've seen old food cans, beer bottles, soda cans, plastic six pack holders, etc., and my personal pet peeve: shotshell hulls and wads. (Yes, I shoot too but I always pick up my residue before I leave.)
Whether in the forests or in the cities, think about what you do while you are outside. Don't throw that wrapper onto the ground, hang onto it and dispose of it properly. If you see something that someone else has tossed away, stop and pick it up if you have the time. Follow the backpacker's motto, take only pictures and leave only footprints.
This is a wonderful world. Make sure that it is kept unspoiled for your children to also enjoy.
Part of being a good steward is also caring for the property of others. If you borrow something from someone such as a camera, shop tool, a video, a recreational vehicle or something else, protect it. The item you've borrowed is not yours. You have a duty to return it in as good or better condition than you received it if at all possible. Likewise with tools and items located at or supplied by your office. These things are not yours. It is your responsibility to ensure that they do not get lost or damaged, that they remain accessible and in good working order.
Many of us have more than we really need to live well. There are those all around us who need a little more. Stop and think when you are in the stores. Do you really need what you're about to buy? Perhaps the $5 you are about to spend can be better utilized by a humanitarian agency. Perhaps those who are in need are closer than you realize. Many people finding themselves in financial trouble are too proud to admit to their friends and even their own family that they are in need of assistance. Pay attention to those about you and help if you can and never require repayment.
Consider the Great Depression era. How many individuals would have died without the assistance of others? How many of us might not be here today because our parents and grand parents did not survive because someone was not willing to part with their surplus to counter another's want?
Never think it's too much effort. All you have to do is just give a little where it's needed. If everyone did this routinely, there would be no hunger or want. Indeed, if practiced perfectly, rather than shortages, there would be abundance everywhere. The earth is more than capable of producing food and materials for the current population, all that is necessary is to use the resources wisely and share what you have.
Some religions retain the concept of the tithe, that is, giving a portion of one's income (in the traditional sense, litterally a tenth) to the church for both maintenance of the facilities and full time personell but also as their primary means of giving support to those in need. I also prefer to give a certain amount monthly specifically for humanitarian purposes. A regular donation is far more useful to these organizations than a Christmas gift. It also forms the habit in your finances of setting aside money for another.
If money is not something you have, then give of your time. There are worthy charitable organizations in every community which depend on volunteer efforts merely for survival. Make a habit of giving a few hours each month to one of these groups. Indeed, giving time may be of a greater personal benefit than giving money since you are there directly seeing how your efforts are helping that agency.
Further, many marriage counselors will tell you that one of the most common reason marriages fail is because of selfishness on the part of one or both parties. Learning to give of your substance and time to strangers helps to teach you to put the needs of another over your own and will make you more able to see the needs of your spouse and your family and consider those as you act.
It is possible to express strong emotions without raising your voice, resorting to cursing, or violence. In every case, it is more effective as well. Having a disagreement is one thing. You can state you have a disagreement and work it out. To become uncivil results in personal offense and anger which can spawn life-long hatreds which should never exist.
There is an old Shaker aphorism:
Use it up, wear it out,
Make it do, or do without.
We don't need countless posessions to be happy. Indeed, there are many who have large sums of money but who never are content. They will summer in the Mediteranian and spend days on their yachts, golf courses, and private retreats and still be miserable. These people are not wealthy, they are simply living high. Money and the desire for it can corrupt a man's soul. It is a means to allow you to live, not an end unto itself. If you have excess, save it. There will be times in every person's life where they will have need to draw on it. How can you expect to make it through hard times when you waste all of your substance during prosperous times?
Every day, we encounter those who willingly serve us in some manner. Some of these are people who stop to assist us on the side of the road when our cars might break down. Others may be neighbors who will give the kids a ride to school when we're late for work. These are people who deserve our respect and gratitude. But there are many more who we do not think about who do just as much for us. Without them, much of our time would be wasted. Who are they? They are the paper boy who makes sure that our paper is always right on the door step and never out in the rain. They are the baggers at the grocery stores who make sure that they don't put heavy canned foods on top of the hot dog buns. They are the people on the customer service lines who help you solve not only the problem you called about, but also three others you didn't realize you had. These are the restaurant cooks who spend that extra bit of effort to make sure our meal is enjoyable. They are the people who work very hard every day to be good at their jobs and strive to make our lives that much easier by being effective and efficient. They are the workers who spend the additional hours after work making sure the products you ordered are perfect, not merely adequate. These people deserve our gratitude and respect just as much as someone who pulls a helpless child from a burning building.
Consider the effect this has on people. How often have you had a particularly bad day at work, those days when it seems that no matter how much you try, you can't get ahead and your boss is continually unhappy. How much of an impact would a simple "thank you" have? Just that little comment, truly meant, can make all the difference. It could mean the difference between going home angry and upset and carrying that over to your family and feeling like you've gotten something useful done and it's been a good day. Now consider if it were you on the other end of this; that you were the one who was continually dissatisfied and how that makes others around you feel. Take time to "walk a mile" in their shoes, as the saying goes. Recognizing when people truly are doing their best even when the results are less than satisfactory is one of the key hallmarks of a good manager.
There is a tradition in some parts of the world to never walk away from a store counter or similar without thanking the person at the register for helping you with your transaction. It is considered quite rude to do otherwise. It's a small thing but still makes a difference. Such a tradition is a model of courteousness and well worth following.
It is discourteous to make others wait for you. Be on time for appointments and meetings. To follow the maxim of my former band director that he picked up from the Marine corps:
To be early is to be on time,Nothing infuriates me more, personally, than someone wasting my time; making me wait when there is limited time or having to ask someone repeatedly for something that has to be completed by a deadline especially when their tasks need to be completed before I can complete my tasks. Their dishonesty prevents me from keeping my own obligations and places the value of my word at risk. (If you give someone your word and then fail to do everything in your power to come through, can you say that you were honest in your promises?)
to be on time is to be late,
and to be late is inexcusable.
If there are things in your life, habits, or things about yourself with which you are not happy, change them! Don't simply make a list of things you'd like to do better, just do it! Sure, these are not always easy but if you never start, you can never finish. For a habit, it's usually best to change it all at once. "Cold turkey," as the saying goes. If you keep going back to old ways, they become harder and harder to throw off. If you need help changing, seek it. You'll be better off after having overcome corrupt behavior. When you're unhappy about yourself as a person, you continually punish yourself for your faults. If you correct these faults, you have no reason left to punish yourself and can direct that energy to more positive persuits.
Don't be discouraged if you are not immediately successful. If you trip, get up and start again. In counseling those suffering from addictions, often it will be taught to take it literally a minute or an hour at a time. Just focus on getting through the next short time, then the next, and the next. Over time, your strength in resisting the temptation to return to your former habit will increase by degrees until you are able to throw it off altogether.
To carry hatred and distrust in your heart will do nothing to punish that person or persons at which this hatred is directed but rather will only serve to poison your own soul and ultimately destroy you. Hatred feeds upon itself. When one offense is remembered, it is that much easier to see others. The important thing to remember is that many offenses are either not real or not intended and most often are unknown to the perceived offender. Be willing to forgive and forget. To offer forgiveness and then retain in remembrance that offense is not true forgiveness. Forget about it. Drive it from your mind. Don't let it pile up and you won't have nearly as heavy a load to carry and you will generally be happier.
Hatred, distrust, suspicion, and anger serve no purpose but to slowly eat away at the person harboring those emotions. Like placing radioactive waste in a concrete container; eventually even this hard compound succumbs to the radiation and becomes soft and spongey, losing all traces of it's former strength and fortitude. These emotions poison not only one's self but also have a tendancy to affect those around you as well.
Whatever you choose to believe in, it is wise for a man to believe in something larger than himself. If a man believes that there is no purpose to life, than nothing he does matters and he will never have a desire to expand his horizons. It is only through trying to be more than you are that the full potential of an individual will ever develop. If a man believes there is no purpose to life, than it is just as easy to believe that there are no consequences to actions and hence nothing beyond the persuit of the day.
Ben Franklin wrote that in his youth he was very much concerned about proving his point and argued quite forcefully at times. The problem was that he was frequently wrong, as youth can be. This led to many personal disagreements which caused him much consternation and cost him a great deal of prestiege. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how good you are at your job if no one respects you.
Eventually, he decided to change his manner of debate to not use deffinite phrases such as, "it must be so", "the right choice is...", or, "I know..." but to instead use lesser phrases such as "it seems to me...", "it could be argued that...", "the possibility exists..." and so on, always using words that allow the other person the ability to present their views without having to be combative and allowing for his own point of view to be modified or ultimately changed altogether without having to appologize for the fault. This change greatly improved his relationships with his colleagues and family.
I take this to be very wise counsel and have sought to put it into practice where I can. I, too, have noticed that when applied propperly that this has avoided some arguments and brought others to a more rapid resolution. It is one of the best pieces of advice I have received.
In my opinion, the noblest title a man can aspire to is that of Worthy Husband and Father. The desire to marry and raise a worthy family is among the most sublime of endeavors. Indeed, it is generally held that no man or woman alone is truly a complete individual but that their full potential can only be realized together, as a unit. Do not put off marriage or children for any reason. The challenges may be daunting, yes, but that is part of the growth and development and when compared to the rewards, the potential hardships are barely worth mentioning.
But it is not enough to simply have a family. No, children need nurturing and they need love. Your first concern must be your children and your spouse. All other matters are secondary to their needs. Being rich or poor does not matter. All that matters is that you are together. If you make your family your focal point, you will stay well grounded indeed and ultimately will be a better person overall. God first, family second. Everything else is tertiary.
You should always have at least one hobby and you should actively pursue it. To sit at home on weekends and sleep all day or otherwise be slothful is unhealthy. Always keep your mind engaged in some stimulating activity and make sure there is enough physical activity to go along with it to keep your mind agile and your body fit.
Your occupation is a means to allow your existance, you do not exist for the sake of your occupation. When you leave the office, do not take work home with you. There are times when this cannot be the case but it is essential for personal well being to allow yourself time to pursue personal interests or just simply to rest.
If you find yourself in a position of having to lend someone a little money now and again, do not trouble yourself to try to keep a memory of who owes you what and how much. It is effort that can better be placed elsewhere. Those who are honest will repay the debt and will not ask more than they need to begin with. Those who honestly can't will admit to this and can be forgiven. Those who have no desire to repay also have no desire of real friendship and will eventually tire of yours. Let them go about their way and consider yourself better off without them. Never get caught up in "what's mine is mine." Do not make money the central concern of your life or you shall soon have no others.
Ever since I was a kid, these four words have been drilled into my head. I knew it was a bad thing but didn't truly understand why until my father was placed in the position of being unable to work for two years because of personal illness. When the creditors began calling, it became very clear to me why there had been such emphasis on this principle. After going through that along with some later money management mistakes of my own, I vowed never again to allow myself to collect unneeded obligations.
There is no one less forgiving than he to which you owe money. There are many people who can show you great sympathy for personal loss and offer comfort and compassion. They will assist you in putting your life back together after the worst disasters or personal tragedies. But if you owe them money, do not expect any sympathy or compasion, just demands. Compound interest knows no mercy and does not take holidays. It is a cruel task master which will ever hold you in bondage. Spend only what you need and use credit wisely. Debt has led many good people to resort to theft and other crimes to pay their creditors. Poor money management and debt have also been the root of the destruction of many marriages and families.
There are many, many grand and beautiful things in this world but many of us will never have the pleasure of knowing them because we are too busy to take notice. Take time to stop what you're doing and look around you. You just might find something you like. Even if it's nothing more than the petals on a common dandelion or the beauty of the setting sun on the horizon, it's well worth experiencing. There are things in this world that I believe that if it is in your power to do so that are worth seeing just once with your own eyes.
Many years ago, I had the opportunity to take my first extended vacation in some considerable period of time. I decided that I had seen too much of this country from airplanes and thought that I would like to see some of it from the ground for a change. I flew up to meet my sister in Provo and from there, rented a car and drove up to Portland to see my brother and Seattle to see friends. During this trip, I saw things I never knew existed, little snippets of landscapes, hills, plants, and flowers that I had never seen before.
Ever since then, I have often siezed the opportunity to take the road less traveled, looking for the less familiar places so I could try to see just as much of this world as I could. From watching the spectacle of a full eruption of Old Faithful geyser in Yellow Stone National Park, to standing next to a snow pack in the middle of August in Colorado's Rocky Mountain National Park, I have always since retained a deep and grand appreciation for this world and the majesty and beauty it has to offer. These days, I also often take my digital camera with me so I can better remember what I encountered and have the opportunity to share these wonderous things with others.